History didn’t start with the first humans—they were cavemen! They were pre-history, pre-literacy, pre-everything. Early humans squatted in dusty dioramas and lived short, terrifying lives. The Stone Age wasn’t history; the Stone Age was a preamble to history, a dystopian era of stasis before the happy onset of civilization, and the arrival of nifty developments like chariot wheels, gunpowder, and Google. Right?